Recently, my grandmother passed away. Her journey on this earth was 104 years long and quite full of both happiness and sorrow.  I could spend time sharing all of the memories I have of growing up with her and of all the little things that remind of special time spent with her, whether it be Saturday night sleepovers or big family holiday gatherings.  I want to take a different approach as my way of reflecting on the impact she had and will continue to have on my journey.  But first a brief story leading up to this point...

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to have breakfast with a pretty famous author, Ben Mikaelson.  It was a once in a lifetime conversation, the only time I ever met him.  He was going to be speaking at the school where I taught and it was my job to pick him up from his hotel and bring him to our school the morning of his presentation. But first, I was told, he had to have breakfast. So we made a stop at Mimi's in Fulton, NY.  I was not quite sure what we would talk about and I was a bit nervous about that but it turned out to be a fascinating conversation and one that I never forgot.  Honestly, I don't remember all of the things we discussed, I just remember two things about this experience.  

First,I could sense he was a deeply soulful person who truly wanted to inspire and connect with others. He wanted to impact the journey of others with his stories and what it was like for him growing up struggling in school.  The other thing I remember was something that became very important to me when my grandmother moved on with her journey. He talked about how when someone close to him passes away he has a special way of honoring them. He thinks about the character trait or quality that he most admired in that person and commits to bringing that quality into his own way of living and being. For some reason, this stayed with me.

And so, as I think about my grandmother, I can tell you there were many qualities I admired about her. She was the most kind and faithful person I have ever known. I never, ever saw her angry or say even the slightest unkind word about anyone. She never complained. She never felt she lacked in anything she needed. She was grateful every day for her blessings. But what I most admire about her, the quality that I am committing to live up to more fully, is her non-judgment of others, her acceptance of others as they were, her unconditional love toward others, her understanding that each person is on their own journey and they must find their own way.

This is a pretty lofty quality to live up to as it is pretty easy to judge others when they do not live up to our expectations or we do not get from them what we think we should. It is easy to blame others or circumstances for what we perceive is lacking in our life, forgetting that the only person who controls that is our own self.  I also have noticed that in my attempts to focus on the positive in others and not to judge I end up judging those who are being judgmental!

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

I have learned that judgment and criticism is what often keeps people from living authentically. As I work to live more authentically and not feel my worthiness depends on the acceptance of others, I certainly do not want to contribute to the limiting of someone's journey as a result of my judgments.  So, Cocoa Baking Grandma, you have taught me an important lesson that I will carry forward, as best I can, in your honor.  I will accept others and the journey they are on. I will strive to support the journey of others so that they may live authentically and feel worthy of being who they are.

Lastly, this has left me to consider what quality I have that might be what inspires others to carry forward in my honor when my time comes.  I believe this is something for all of us to consider daily. Each of us has great opportunity to impact others every day and with the life we live.

What will your legacy be?

(I strongly recommend one of Ben Mikaelson's books, Petey. It is an incredibly moving story of one man's journey as an institutionalized individual with cerebral palsy.)

Liane